The long summer school holidays arrive with sunshine (sometimes) and high hopes (always). For children, it’s a stretch of freedom: lie-ins, ice creams, long days with fewer rules. But for many parents, summer feels more like a shift in pressure than a pause.
You might find yourself a few weeks in, wondering why you’re so depleted when you haven’t done anything extraordinary. You might even be feeling guilty that you ‘haven’t done enough’. You’re not alone. Most of the parents I work with feel some version of these thoughts and feelings.
This isn’t a blog about how to ‘make the most’ of summer. It’s not about doing more. It’s about naming everything you’re holding and why so many parents feel guilty for struggling at a time that’s supposed to feel joyful.
If that’s you, I hope this helps soften the self-blame and remind you: it’s not just you. And you’re not doing it wrong.
the extra load of summer parenting
If you’re blaming yourself for not making summer ‘magical enough’ or for feeling so tired and snappy – let’s remember everything that you’re carrying right now:
There’s the practical load
There’s this idea that summer is a time to relax but the practical load of raising children doesn’t go anywhere. You’re still making snacks, packing bags, remembering sunscreen, breaking up arguments, and adjusting plans when weather or moods change. That load doesn’t switch off; it just adapts to a new rhythm.
There’s the cognitive load
The practical load comes hand in hand with a cognitive load – you don’t do any of this on autopilot – you’re planning and managing schedules and anticipating needs, sometimes for multiple children, and often around your own work commitments too. All this extra planning, balancing and flexibility takes a lot more energy than we realise.
There’s the emotional load
Big feelings tend to show up more during unstructured time. Boredom, overstimulation, sibling friction – and your own frustration or guilt, layered on top. The heat, later nights and lack of routine can make the best of us snappier. If you’re parenting a child who finds transitions hard or thrives on predictability, summer can feel more emotionally intense than term-time.
And there’s the sensory load
The noise, the touch, the interruptions, the general buzz of “Mum! Mum! Mum!” when you’re just trying to make a coffee. For parents who are highly sensitive or neurodivergent, this sensory overstimulation can initially show up in increase irritability or reactivity and over time can build up to more exhaustion and even burnout.
Hopefully you can see from this quick break down that summer parenting demands a lot of your energy – at a time when there’s often less space for you to replenish it.
the guilt that creeps in
Despite all this, many parents still carry guilt. Guilt for not enjoying it more, guilt for being snappy or for counting down to the first day of school. In order to work with that guilt, let’s think about where it could be coming from:
Cultural pressure
There’s a lot of messaging – especially on social media – that frames childhood summers as a limited-time opportunity. “You only get 18 summers” is a phrase that crops up a lot on guilt-inducing reels. The implication is clear: you should make every moment magical.
But your child isn’t thinking like that. They’re not grading your efforts. Most kids are just thrilled to skip maths and assemblies. They’re not comparing your holidays to a Pinterest board. They just want time with you – and often, not all the time, either. Kids just want a break; they’re not asking for magic.
Social media comparison
Even if you ignore the obviously curated parenting influencers’ reels, you’re still seeing what other families in your network are getting up to. And even when you know it’s a highlight reel, it’s hard not to internalise the images. Another family doing crafts in matching outfits. Another seaside trip with everyone smiling. And here you are, trying to get a ketchup stain out of the carpet and counting down to bedtime.
You don’t see the moments that get cropped out – the meltdowns, the boredom, the mediating. But it’s hard not to feel like you’re falling short.
The working parent tension
Many parents don’t get time off over summer. Or they’re trying to work part-time hours with full-time responsibilities. The guilt of not being fully available, of not being ‘present enough’ can be intense. And when the alternative is holiday clubs or screen time, it’s easy to feel like you’re letting your children down when the culture has romanticised summers.
But remember, it’s not a free choice, you have bills to pay and by working you’re providing for your children. And even the parents who aren’t working can feel like they ‘should’ be soaking it all in and loving every minute. When we put so much pressure on summer parenting (and parenting in general); no parent feels they’re measuring up.
Internal expectations
If you’re someone who deeply values connection, or who’s trying to parent differently from how you were raised, summer might stir up a whole extra layer of ‘shoulds’. You might be putting a lot of unfair pressure on yourself to be a perfectly calm, fun parenting who makes memories with their children all summer long. And when reality doesn’t match the vision, your inner critic is quick to pipe up.
But – see above – your children don’t need magic and they don’t want perfection. You really are the best parent for them and all they need is you, just as you are; messy bits and all.
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What Eases the Load (Without Adding to It)
You don’t need more things on your to-do list. But it can help to reframe what rest and relief look like in this season.
Let rest be imperfect
You need to rest. You’re not a machine and you can’t just motor on through summer without some downtime and recharging.
And realistically, for most parents, rest isn’t going to be hours of solitude and you might not be able to count on a full night’s sleep if your children are still young. Rest might be five minutes hiding in the loo with a biscuit. It might be putting on Bluey so you can drink a cup of tea hot. It might be walking a bit slower on the way to the park so you can feel the air on your skin.
Forget the flashy Instagrammable moments and think how you can take little pitstops here and there. They all build up.
Notice what you’re feeling, and why
Slowing down rather than pushing through all also allows you to notice what you’re thinking and feeling more. Which gives you more chance to work with it. When we name our experience, we give it less power. You might try saying, “This is a lot,” or “No wonder I’m tired – this is a full shift.”
Acknowledging the load can help interrupt the guilt and/or self-criticism spirals and foster more self-compassion (something I wish I could gift to all parents).
Plan your days according to your capacity
Drop the idea that every day needs to be a great day – some days will be and others will be about getting through. You’re a human being with fluctuating capacity and limited resources.
Everyone’s going to have more fun if you plan your days around your real, rather than fantasy, energy levels and resources. There’s no point ‘doing it all’ but you end up exhausted, resentful, broke and snappy.
Some days will have crafts, outings and homemade lollies and others will be watching more TV than usual and pottering around. And that’s more than OK.
If you're struggling, you're not alone
Some seasons are simply hard. And summer can push parents past their usual coping capacity; especially if they were already feeling stretched thin to begin with.
If you’re noticing more irritability, more resentment, more exhaustion than you expected, it might be a sign that you’re carrying too much on your own. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it means you need more support.
Therapy with me can be a place to take a breath. To lay things down. To make sense of what’s underneath the stress and get some space from the cultural pressure to be a perfect parent and start parenting in a way that feels meaningful, and sustainable, to you. To start enjoying it again.
You don’t have to wait until you’re at breaking point to ask for help. You deserve support that’s steady, kind, and flexible just like the parenting you’re trying to give your children. Interested? Take a look at what therapy with me looks like here.
need more help managing stress?
If you’re looking for more support, check out my free eBook, The Busy Parent’s Guide to Soothing Stress and Beating Burnout. It’s full of practical, evidence-based strategies to help you navigate the challenges of parenting with less stress and more balance.
