Birthdays are such special moments in our children’s lives. And as each of my children celebrates another year around the sun, I’ve started a small tradition to celebrate my own parenting journey too.
I buy myself flowers.
Yes, you read that right. On my child’s birthday, I treat myself to a beautiful bouquet. Now, before you think, “Isn’t that a bit selfish?” – let me explain why this small act means so much, and why I believe more parents should start doing it too.
the unseen work of parenting
Parenting comes with countless responsibilities; it’s a lot of labour which often goes unnoticed. It’s not just about the obvious and visible stuff like organising birthday parties, but all the small, everyday things that add up – sorting out school uniforms, keeping track of appointments, remembering everyone’s favourite foods and on and on it goes.
It’s a never-ending to-do list of physical, cognitive and emotional labour, and so much of it is invisible. No one’s giving you a round of applause for holding it all together, but the truth is, we’re doing a huge amount of work every single day.
a moment of self-appreciation
Buying flowers is a small treat that brings beauty and joy into my home, but it’s more than that. It’s a way to mark the occasion in a personal way, recognising all the love, care, and attention I’ve poured into parenting over another year.
This small gesture doesn’t take away from my child’s special day. In fact, they don’t even notice. It’s just something I do quietly, without making a fuss. But for me, it reminds me that while my child is celebrating another year of life, I am celebrating another year of parenthood. And that’s worth appreciating, don’t you think?
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why self-appreciation matters
As parents, we’re hyperaware of where we think we’re falling short – but how often do we pause to notice what we’re doing right? We tend to focus on our mistakes, the little moments where we didn’t live up to our own expectations, and we can be quite hard on ourselves for our mistakes.
The brain has something called a negativity bias, which means we naturally focus on problems – your brain is a survival machine attuned to possible threats, there’s not as much survival value in remembering all the good stuff. Psychologist Rick Hanson uses a great analogy: he says our minds are like Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive.
When I buy myself flowers, it’s not just a treat – it’s a conscious effort to remember and recognise, all the things I’m doing right rather than getting stuck on the things I think I could’ve done better.
i'm not a 'martyr mum'
I’ve never been interested in being a “martyr mum,” sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of my children. That wouldn’t help me, and it certainly wouldn’t help them.
There’s no glory in neglecting yourself until you burn out. Being a good parent doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs – it means finding a balance where you’re able to care for both your family and yourself.
I’ve found that when I take care of myself, I show up better for my children. I’m more patient, more present, and more joyful. Self-care and self-appreciation aren’t indulgences; they’re necessary.
how you can do the same
I’m not saying you need to buy yourself flowers. It could be anything – a small gesture that feels like a treat. Maybe it’s buying yourself something you wouldn’t normally get (but would probably happily gift to someone else). Or perhaps it’s taking some time just for you, doing something that brings you joy.
It doesn’t have to be something material or expensive. The point isn’t about what you do but why – it’s about pausing to appreciate yourself and acknowledging all the hard work you’ve put in. Give yourself permission to celebrate that.
Next time you’re out picking up the birthday cake or party decorations, think about what little gesture you could do for yourself. Because you deserve to be celebrated too.
here's to celebrating you, too!
Every year, I celebrate each of my children’s birthdays with joy and pride, but I also make sure to celebrate myself. Parenting is full of hard work and love, and I believe we all deserve to recognise that in ourselves.
So this year, I’ll be buying myself flowers again. And I hope you’ll find your own way to show yourself some appreciation, too – whether it’s flowers or something else. You’ve more than earned it.
