Do you ever compare yourself to other parents and feel like you’re not doing enough? I think most of us parents have been there – we’re all doing our best and somehow it never feels like enough. There’s always more we could be doing. Always someone we know who seems to do it so much more effortlessly.
The friend who appears to enjoy weekends full of outdoorsy family adventures while your kids watch YouTube and you catch up on housework. That smiling mum on Instagram cheerfully packing beautifully curated bento lunchboxes while you’re scraping together a last-minute sandwich.
We start to doubt ourselves and wonder if our child is missing out. Parenthood starts to feel like a test that we’re failing.
But parenting isn’t a competition. There is no universal standard for ‘good parenting’ because every child, every family, and every set of circumstances is different. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They don’t need an Instagrammable childhood. They need you – their special person who knows them, loves them, and is showing up for them in the best way they can.
We know that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ but how do we stop comparing ourselves to other parents and find confidence in our own way of doing things?
why do we compare ourselves to other parents
If you’ve ever felt frustrated with yourself for constantly comparing, let’s start here: it’s not your fault.
Comparison is hard-wired into us because humans are social creatures. For millennia we relied on our communities for survival and so we had to make sure we were aware of, and following, the group’s norms.
Our ancestors would never have been able to survive without the group – providing shelter, food, protection from predators and raising young is a group endeavour – so they had to make sure they didn’t get cast out.
When we lived in small, close-knit communities, learning from local, like-minded others who were invested in our wellbeing would’ve been helpful. But we’re no longer doing that – we’re measuring ourselves against millions of parents online, mostly with vastly different resources, lifestyles and support systems.
And we’re not seeing even seeing the full picture.
social media magnifies the pressure
Even when we logically know that social media is curated, it’s hard not to be affected by it.
A quick scroll through your feed might show a mother with a spotless home while you’re surrounded by piles of laundry, a parent proudly sharing their child’s latest academic achievement when your child is struggling with reading or a family holidaying abroad while you’re struggling to afford groceries.
Over time, these small glimpses build a subtle but powerful illusion: that other parents are more patient, more capable, and more in control. That other children are better behaved, happier, and more successful.
Other people aren’t showing their struggles online. We see our own messy reality up close, but only see other people’s best moments.
And before we know it, we start measuring ourselves against an impossible standard – one that was never real to begin with.
the hidden costs of comparison
1. It undermines your confidence
Comparison shifts your focus away from what works for your family and makes you feel like you need to keep up with everyone else. Instead of making parenting decisions based on your values, your child’s needs, and your circumstances, you start making them based on what you think you should be doing.
You second-guess yourself, wondering if you’re falling behind, losing trust in your own instincts.
2. It pulls you away from your own child
When we focus too much on what other families are doing, we risk losing sight of what our own child actually needs. You might find yourself wondering what milestones other kids are reaching, what activities other parents prioritise, or what the ‘right’ way to handle a situation is.
But the most important question is: ‘What does my child need?’
Every child has their own unique temperament, strengths and challenge, likes and dislikes. Any parent of more than one child will tell you how different even siblings can be.
Great parenting starts with being really attuned to the child in front of you rather than parenting by the book, or for the audience.
3. It fosters parental burnout
Comparison can make parenting feel like a never-ending performance – one where you’re constantly striving, never resting, and always feeling like you should be doing more. This can lead to chronic self-doubt, guilt, exhaustion and overwhelm.
It’s hard to ever find peace and enjoy parenthood when you’re always feeling like you’re behind, no matter how much you do.
how to stop comparing yourself to other parents
1. Get Clear on Your own Values as a Parent
Instead of asking, ‘Am I doing this right?’, ask: ‘What kind of parent do I want to be?’ ‘What values matter most in my family?’ ‘What actually makes my child feel safe, loved, and supported?’
When you focus on your own parenting values, it becomes easier to tune out the noise of external expectations. Parenting becomes less about measuring up and more about building the kind of family life that feels right to you.
2. Let Go of the Perfect Parent Myth
Most of us hold ourselves to impossible standards. We tell ourselves we should always be patient, create enriching activities, keep a spotless home, and never rely on screens. But no one gets it right all the time. Those parents who look like they’re perfect? You just don’t know them well enough to know about their struggles.
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s more about being flexible, adjusting when needed, and keeping your relationship with your child at the centre.
3. Adjust Your Social Media Diet
Start to really notice how you feel when you’re scrolling. Does it make you feel better or worse? If certain accounts leave you feeling anxious, guilty, or inadequate, consider curating your feed. Unfollow those that make you feel like you’re not enough, follow those who normalise imperfection, and take breaks when you need to.
You don’t need daily parenting content to be a good parent. I’d argue that you actually don’t need any parenting content or aspirational content at all – you could just have a feed full of funny memes and reels.
4. Parent Like No One’s Watching
Imagine that no one was around to judge your parenting. No Instagram, no other mums at the school gate, no well-meaning relatives offering unsolicited advice. How would you parent differently? What decisions would you make if you truly trusted yourself?
What would parenting look like if you and your kids were on a desert island and no one was watching. Because ultimately, those are the only people who matter in this equation – you and your child.
final thoughts
We’re not going to stop comparing ourselves with others; it’s wired into us. But it doesn’t have to define your parenting experience. The more you tune into your own values, your own child, and your own instincts, the easier it becomes to step away from comparison and trust that you’re already enough.
Would like some support with this? I help parents clarify what truly matters to them and their families, let go of unrealistic expectations and build more confidence and ease into their parenting journey. If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed or worried about not ‘getting it right’; I can help click here to book a free intro call.
Because parenting isn’t about keeping up with others. It’s about showing up for the people who matter most.
need more help managing stress?
If you’re looking for more support, check out my free eBook, The Busy Parent’s Guide to Soothing Stress and Beating Burnout. It’s full of practical, evidence-based strategies to help you navigate the challenges of parenting with less stress and more balance.
